Thoughts on St. Petersburg

We were told not to smile so much. To practice our scowl, (suggested with a chuckle) so that we would blend in more with the Russian nature. I remember in our preports the Russians we had on board talked about the significance of the soul in Russian culture and that a certain melancholy is almost always present. It's been seventeen years since the Soviet collapsed, but as I passed the faces of St. Petersburg, their eyes displayed the weight of the past and how it still had a powerful presence in the present. Some people from SAS said that they did not meet a single "nice" Russian. And in fact, many people have been so frustrated that they were brought to tears. The first encounter that I had myself was pretty pesimistic. As soon as I got off the ship, I tried to find a bank with a few friends, hoping to exchange dollars for the ruble. I gave the lady my cash and my passport and for no apparent reason, she started yelling at me in Russian. I clearly did not understand what the problem was...I had done everything I had been told to do, in truth there was nothing else I could. The language barrier was not the issue...but she genuinely was angry. In my entire life, I had never had a stranger yell at me like she did. We both tried to understand what was happening...and my eyes pleaded with her to reach a common, utterly human bond but it didn't happen. She did not have time to see those pleading eyes, trying to express my apologies for the complications...that I truly was doing all I could...needless to say, I walked away with rubles but very disappointed. Perhaps a fluke, I thought? Just someone having a poor day at work, we've all had those. And yet in my own work experience, when someone came in who did not speak english, I would do everything in my power to make sure the person got exactly what they wanted. I went out of my way to be at their service. I was not expecting that from this woman, it didn't surprise me that it wasn't there or even that this person wasn't in a good mood..just her impatience, her anger...directed at me? And that was the beginning of the prejudice, the resentment....many moments of my time in Russia clouded with negativity simply because I was non Slavic. We had been repeatedly warned about the growing racism in Russia...there have been several attacks on people who do not look Russian...there was an Indian man traveling with us to Russia who even had such an experience...and he told us a story about one of his colleague's daughter who is studying medicine in Russia and who was in some pretty bad circumstances just last week. We were warned about skinheads and I imagined we might encounter some animosity but the extent to which we felt discriminated against was unprecedented. My Asian friends (most of whom are my closest girlfriends) were uncomfortable almost all the time. My roommate Helena had even said that the best she felt was when we were in the Hermitage, because there were so many tourists from all over. No one starring you down, giving you the worst of looks...god, it was horrible. Every single person we passed just looked at us like, why are you here? you don't belong here.......we were in a cafe one night and a man came in, heard us speaking english (in faint voices, I might add) and he literally stopped right in front of us and stared as if he was saying "what the hell are you doing in our cafe...." he didn't even seem to believe what he saw....about two minutes later, he left. There were guys in the same room who I heard make fun of us because we would say thank you in russian a lot...because we were trying to speak the language, trying to be courteous and kind and respectful...but what we recieved in return was horrible. We would go into a store or restuarant and ask if someone spoke english and people would just laugh at us and turn away...and we would ask it in Russian! They were very hard, very serious and tough. And it put a damper on our trip, for sure. But as my mother reminded me and as I already knew, life IS hard, serious, and tough for many Russians. The government is horribly corrupt, the weather is very difficult to deal with, the scars of communism still are visible, the police are the least trusted people in the communities. So a rich American teenage girl who has never experienced any of this, prancing down the streets of St. Petersburg, of course they are resentful....of courses they would look twice. But, as I wrote in the blog before, my best experiences were also with the locals. Not just the worst, as I've described. I did end up having meaningful conversations with those who could speak english (which is not many at all....probably about 1 in 9) and it got better as the days went on. On the second day, when I was at the market near the Church of the Resurrection, two Russian men who spoke very good english started speaking to me, complimenting me (honestly, trying to flirt with an young American girl). They were running a fur stall and since I had desperately wanted to buy a chapka, I decided to stay with them for awhile and consider buying it. They were godsent....just what I needed...so so sweet and kind..the older man took me over to a bank and showed me where it was...put his hand out while we crossed the street (because uh traffic is insane here..I will get to that) but it was these simple gestures that made my day. It was through my interaction with them that I truly began to understand that Russians do not take life or things lightly...things must be meaningful to react positively. They do not smile unless they are happy, they do not say thank you at every chance, for the small things....we had to cut down on the spaceba's because, being polite Americans, my friends and I say thank you 24/7. The Russians, therefore, think we're just saying it to say it...and that because we say it so much, we don't mean it. Because we smile so often, we take everything for granted. "You smile just to smile but we smile only when we're happy." "But I'm happy all the time!" They laughed, geuinely entertained by my enthusiastic responses. Life is hard here. When we drove to Peterhof and had left the historical center of the city, we came to the apartments that were built in the 70s...and goodness, they were horrific. And there were so many of them! That was the only places I saw at all where one could live. No houses...just these apartments that were completely run down and dilapidated. Some new ones had been put up and it was such a stark contrast because the new and the usual...this is where these people who pass me on the street live...this is where they suffered in the past..this is where they dream of better futures. And yet walking down Nevsky Prospekt, every woman wore high heels, had great fashion sense, and looked wealthier than most people on semester at sea. There were so many intersecting lines...and I still don't understand it all.

A couple days ago, perhaps on Thursday, Helena and I talked about a top five list of the things that were either surprising us the most or what we would take away with us from Russia. What I had come up was almost the same as now:

1. Traffic: We were told before coming into St. Petersburg that we must be especially careful in Russia crossing the streets, pedestrians do NOT have the right of way and accidents are our greatest threat. Russians drive FAST and pretty recklessly. I had several close calls, as did most people. Even in DC and New York I never felt like my life was in danger everytime I crossed the street. And the worst part is there aren't many actual crosswalks or lights...we would get stuck in the middle of the road with cars going 60mph right past us...trust me, no exaggerations are needed. In the states, its comparable to crossing a highway, one would NEVER think of doing such a thing....and of standing in the middle of the road! If we cross, we cross when we know we can get to the other side. Not here. So if you ever go to Moscow or St. Petersburg, be extremely careful and prepared.
2. Police: Like I said before, all the polls have said that the police are the least trusted group in society. We were told that it would not be unlikely that police would randomly stop us, see our documents, and take our money. People who have lived in St. Petersburg have had these incidents and it's not unusual. The joke is that when a policeman stops you instead of saying can I see your documents, he will say, can I see your money. Most Russians can get out of anything (or perhaps they did not commit a crime at all) by bribing the policeman. It's pretty widespread. Everytime I passed a policeman, I crossed my fingers he would not approach me. We would stop talking so he didn't hear we were American, and just tried to blend in as much as possible. But the presence of the police was ubiquitous. The police, those in the military, were EVERYWHERE. And truth to tell, they were scary. We saw more people in the army and what have you than the police themselves....and honestly, they looked like Nazis. There would be a group of about twenty guys dressed in army uniforms (that looked like Nazi uniforms almost precisely) on every block or so...and they would just STARE YOU DOWN when you passed. And on the streets, there would be the trucks I have only seen in movies...it really looked like the place was occupied. That's the feeling I had. Like I had to protect myself, stay away from the policeman, truly...anyone in uniform. It was a very different atmopshere, one that I've never been accustomed to and very disconcerting.
3. Mullet: On a more lighter note, the mullet was everywhere! Every single guy (well, least 3 out of every 5) had a mullet! It was really interesting.,...I had never seen the mullet that much in my life.
4. Scowl...clearly...already noted...
5. Pastels: The architecture, the colors of the buildings were so light and wonderful! Every building in the downtown area of St. Petersburg was a masterpiece in itself. Unlike Norway, which had vibrant, stark colors, St. Petersburg was a city of pastels, of light yellows and blues and greens. It was lovely.
And I would love to write more but I really must go to bed....we gain an hour of sleep tonight..thank goodness but I'm so exhuasted, I've gotten very little sleep the past few days and can no longer stay up.....I have much more to write.....thank you to everyone who is reading...