The Women of Russia

Whenever there was a woman who spoke English, I made it a point to ask her about gender roles in Russia and what makes Russian women distinct and separate from women of other countries. I had a similar reaction from those who I asked in Norway, which was at first, bewilderment. Each woman I encountered had difficulty answering this question, at least at the beginning. All had to take a minute or two to think about what I had asked them and how to formulate their answers. They could easily talk and generalize about women of other countries but describing their the population of their own was infinitely harder. And yet every response I received was about the same. "Russian women care more about the home," they would say. "We love the hearth, our mothers, we love to take care of the house." Every time I heard this, I wondered if they loved it solely because it was expected of them, or if they genuinely wished to emulate the motherhood ideal. Perhaps this was a reflection of the older generation's feeling, but no, many of the younger girls I talked with shared the same opinion. It is not unusual at all to be married in their early twenties and already looking to have children. The priority is still to be with a man and to have a home. As one middle-aged woman told me, "we are nothing without men." Although the younger generation did not take as extreme an approach as this, they still recognized the statement as partially true. What's more, there were weddings occurring on every day of the week. Even if one hadn't talked to the women, they could easily notice the importance of marriage in Russian society today.
Another interesting observance that I had of Russian women was a trait that all Russians seemed to share, which was a certain melancholy visible on their faces. People would not respond positively to smiles or even spacebas, many ignored our efforts to speak Russian and learn about their culture. An older lady described to me, "Russian women have led harder lives, we do not smile like American women and we are not independent like the European women." A 20 something year old male said, "Russian females are more serious than other women around the world." Even the young women, whose may have been born the time of the Soviet collapse, still share this ultra pervasive sorrow. In some cases, Russian women would yell at me when they realized I could not understand what they were saying. In every scenario, I tried my hardest to speak their language and show the utmost respect, and yet the majority of women seemed angry at my presence in general.
One of the most fascinating experiences I had in Russia as a whole was watching Russian television. There was a small café I would often go to that had a television set on one of the walls. The first time I went there, I could not help but notice the tv show that was playing. Although it was fully in Russian, I could understand most of what was going on. It was a show centered around a group of women in jail but what I noticed the most was the shocking amount of violence. There were several scenes depicting women beating up other women, and also a scene of a woman being gang raped by male inmates. I tried to compare the show to something in American television, but nothing came up. Nothing seemed to be this cruel or brutal, but here it was, being watched by Russian women in the café.
As I myself looked up from time to time, I couldn't help but think how strange this show was. Where did it fit in with the Russian model of femininity and motherhood? Was this a popular show in Russia, and if so, did the women enjoy it? It seemed to be portray the exact opposite values the Russian women had been telling me they believed in. And yet, here was that melancholy that the women exhibit on their faces. This was a show focused on the suffering of women, albeit in a prison, but perhaps the Russian women have emotional connections with the characters in the series, who also experience pain.
Whatever the case be, Russia left me with puzzling picture of their women, one stuck in the intersection of the past and the future, where pain and hope mingle with each other.
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